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Reeling Years

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...nɒɘɔo ʞɔɒld ɒ ni ƨbnɒlƨi...

...islands in a black ocean...

Heavy breathing, running, jumping, hopping, and skipping to school. First day, very nervous and a little shaky. They all turn around and look at you. You pick flowers on your way home as a nervous habit. You do the same the next day on the way to school and back. Every day. Blood underneath my fingernails, so much that it hurts as it dries, wedging apart the nailbed from the nail as it solidifies. Shots of adrenaline course through pockmarked veins. Fear sets in, you're all cold now, you go somewhere you know you can run hot. A wad of money for an envelope. Partitioning off lives neatly, like organized containers. The binds tighten around my wrists and ankles. They are cloth but reinforced like iron.


"What is your name?"
Sister GUILTY
Lover GUILTY
Daughter GUILTY
Rat
GUILTY
GUILTY
Murderer
nfor̸m̛nt̴ GUILTY

"Let's just try to work through what happened slowly, without rushing. I'll say what you've said chronologically and you can correct me if anything is wrong. You had a night of light drinking. One or two beers at dinner with ██████. Then you went to sleep and you recall dreaming about ██████ before you woke up holding the knife over his body. You said then that you went to the bathroom and calmly washed your hands and then called the police. From there on out, we have your records. But we need to know one thing, █████████.

There's a gap of time between you washing your hands and calling the police.

Why did it take you four hours to wash your hands?

Is there some other explanation you can furnish?
Posted Jan 23, 19 · OP
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"Tell me anything you remember."

For fuck's sake... Paid in Pax
19972010201420001910
I didn't mean to give you that, that's my Ditto.Pass it over, I'm not even close to wastedYeah well FUCK YOU TOO! I don't need you anymore!These clothes are dumb and I look dumb and I just want to be normal and have normal clothes.Papers are shuffled, ink is put on paper.
MOM!!! HE PULLED MY HAIR!!!The world kept spinning. And spinning. And spinning.I could use the money, but I'll need to think about it.He's going to be so mad at me when he gets home. Maybe I can superglue it together...Would you wind up the phonograph and place on that gospel record?
Hey, sorry your mom forgot to give you your lunch again? Have half of my sandwich, it's too big anyway.The morning after is the worst.This is the last time. I think they're following me.Cool. Now we can talk about boys together. I won't tell a soul.What the thinker thinks, the prover proves.
Boys go to jupiter to get more stupider, girls go to college to get more knowledge.I like all music except country and rap. I'm not looking for drama.They found me. I have to get away. You have to get me out of here.Three dogs, no kids, that's the dream.I've set the clocks. Everything is on schedule.
Something to keep you together.


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Posted Jan 24, 19 · OP
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As aboveso below.


Surveillence Log #34821-B

8:13 AM EST- ██████ exits X-1, path remains constant to the ██████'s Diner on the corner. (See "X-1 Pathing Master Document" for further details)

9:24 AM EST- Credit card charge at ██████'s Diner in the amount of $14.32 (See "Dietary Habits" document for further details)

9:30 AM EST- ██████ exits the diner, path constant to 34th Street Red Line.

10:22 AM EST- ██████ arrives at █████ Book Store, browses and checks watch every two minutes for the remainder of his time until the next log note.

10:49 AM EST- █████████ ██████ arrives with a attache case, begins to browse. ██████ browses closer to her, dropping a stack of books when in proximity. She assists him with picking up the books, they exchange a look and he takes the attache case before heading to the cashier with a small stack of books.

11:05 AM EST- Credit card charge at █████ Book Store in the amount of $68.40 (978-0-226-95001-3, 978-0-86698-324-2)

11:06 AM EST- ██████ exits █████ Book Store

11:29 AM EST- ██████ arrives at the █████ Book Shop (former site of the New York Theosophical Society), exits after ten minutes.

11:39 AM EST- ██████ arrives at "Lucky Cat" and drops off the map.

Surveillence recommences tomorrow at 6:00 AM

██████████████████████




███████████
Ƨeptamber 6, 1996

Asignment: What do you want to be wen you grow up?

I want to make lots of money so nobody has to work ever again and i would help in mommys garden and we would sel alllllll our flowers in the farmers market in Union sqare. i woud see all the people walk fast from work and they woud all by flowers from me and mommy for their families and friends. i would be the best wacher and tell mommy who wil buy the moooost flowers. wed be famouse

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Posted Jan 25, 19 · OP · Last edited Jan 25, 19
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Knock, knock, knock.

The front door clicked open and in walked ██████. Someone who I didn't know then and would come to know closely over the next few years. I had just woke up on top of my boyfriend; my hands covered in slick living blood, rivulets trailing up and down my arm like snakes coursing in and out. I washed my hands and arms but it wouldn't come off, it couldn't come off. It was his and mine commingled and I felt it coursing in and out of my veins. █████ found me in the bathroom and in no uncertain terms explained what happened, how it happened, and and how to stop it from happening in the future. He offered to make it all go away, but I refused that. I hadn't done anything wrong.

The police wondered where the knife was, but the truth is there was no knife. I was dreaming of wading in an ocean of blood. Swimming freely, feeling the red life wash over me as I swam and swam. The blood felt like it was the sap of the tree of life, pure and uncorrupted, clean and cool. I opened my bleary and blood encrusted eyes and felt the bed behind me cool against my skin as if it were soaked. I turned myself over onto him, still under the spell of sleep, eyes wide open and shook ███ and begged him to live and for his blood to return to him. All those different vessels burst and he was... opened up and I couldn't put him back together again.

I stayed in police custody for a month before I got a call from █████ and he made a second offer. I was worn down. I accepted. I gave up more than I would have liked. I was chained to him as payment. The police attention ended up being cleared off by ██████ but as a result of my payment I had to move far far away. I couldn't talk to ███'s parents or my own, I started a new life in a different place with a different set of wishes and pressures. Even a new name.




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The crunch of leaves. The moths flittering by my ears. Blindedfolded. Hands bound. Cold iron around my neck. Mouth sewn shut. Freezing chain running from the back of the iron collar down the back of my neck, held... .
Posted Jan 29, 19 · OP · Last edited Jan 29, 19
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